Good day...sort of!

Dad was up sitting at the table when I got there around 11:30. He was waiting for the corn flakes that I was bringing, but he couldn't eat them very well. Don't know why since Mom said he ate 3 bowls of rice krispies last night...not much difference there! My brother came and took Dad out for a walk and before Dad got to rest, his favorite niece came to see him. A few minutes later two other cousins came from Shreveport.....the Drs. Bundrick..father and son. At 2:30 he finally went to lie down. Before I got there this morning the aide had been there to shave and shower him, so he was tired. Both the doctors told him that he needed to move as much as he possibly could.

After I left there (having not eaten anything all day), I was starving and so I went to the Boomtown casino buffet. Ate two bites of potatoes and chicken and had to seek out a bathroom. Once again, my throat tightened and the food would not stay put. I am not understanding this at all. Sooo...here I go again feeling fine, but hungry!

My selfish day!

Today was my day out with the ladies and I took full advantage of it trying not to think too much, so I didn't even see Dad today, but he had lots of company today and walked twice...so it was OK that I didn't go. Mom said he ate pretty good today, but he was up a lot last night going to the bathroom. I don't know how she can even know when he is doing that because his room is at the other end of the house from hers and it's a pretty big house. What that means to me is that she is not sleeping well. She even has one of those CPAP machines that she is supposed to use  every night. Now I'm wondering if she is using it because I really don't think she could hear him with that on. I guess her motherly instincts have kicked in again and she hears him like she would a child. I am really more worried about her now because she is tired. I asked her if we could go ahead and get a sitter for the nights so she could rest, but she said not yet. She takes a nap in the afternoon, but she is 84 and not in good health herself.

FINALLY!

After cooking that beautiful pot of vegetable soup on Monday, I have been unable to enjoy it because of yet another episode of throat tightening and not allowing any food to go down. It always last a couple of days and that's exactly what it did. Lost a few pounds, so it does have an "up" side. Today, I finally ate a bowl of that soup, but I had lost the urge for it already! I took some to my mom and she will enjoy it.

My dad loves the aide that comes to shave and shower him. He hugged all over her and just told me "bye"! He fell again last night and lost control of his bowels. My brother is thinking we need to try to find a sitter for him at night and I agree. It won't be easy, but that's what we need to do mostly for Mom and my brother. Mom always has to call my brother to come get him up. They need their rest as well! Every day he is weaker. My brother goes to walk with him every day and yesterday he said Dad almost couldn't get back to the house after just walking down the driveway. It's a fairly long driveway, but he has been able to do it ok until yesterday.

My neighbor called me when I got home today and told me a lady had parked in my driveway and walked all around my house...even opened the back gate and went in the backyard. Even looked in a window. My neighbor finally asked her if she could help her and the lady just wanted to ask me about my yard and my flowers. She did NOT even know me. My neighbor said it was kind of creepy because the lady's car did not match the neighborhood she said she lived in. I don't like strangers going in my back yard, especially when I am not there.

Productive day...

Cooler weather had me in a working outside mode today, so I have been busy all day in the yard. I dug up another plant in my front landscaping that just requires too much maintenance such as trimming every other month and growing too big anyway. It made me mad when it wouldn't let my caladiums come up straight. The thing had roots to China, but I got it up and went to get Dad's truck to haul it off. While I had the truck, I got a few other chores done as well. Now, I have to figure out what I want to plant in that hole in the landscaping.

The lady had been there and given Dad a bath and shaved him today. He told me that lady did him more good than anything. I am so grateful that a service like that exists. She will come 3 times a week. The home health nurse that sees Mom will also see Dad now. She said he is borderline dehydrated.

When I got home, a friend dropped by and we sat in the yard and discussed our dying parents. Her father is dying as well, but he is 93. When I finally came inside, I made vegetable soup and cornbread and now I can't keep any of it down. It's making me mad because it tastes so good. I haven't had an episode of not being able to keep anything down since August 24th, but I could tell when I was cooking that my throat was starting to feel tight like it does when I have one of those episodes. It's OK though. I need to lose some pounds!!!:)

A milestone...

But not a good milestone....I believe today was the last time that my dad will have Sunday lunch at my brother's with the rest of us. I actually didn't think he would come today, but he did. I went and helped him get in the car and went and helped him get out after lunch, but it was hard on him. Mom told him he didn't have to go if he didn't want to, but he did. Yet another sad day and another prayer through tears that God would just come get him now!

Feeling good!

I was selfish today and took a day just for myself...never went to see Dad and didn't call until tonight. When I finally talked to Mom, she was elated that they had such a good day. An aide came to shave and bathe dad and he didn't give her any grief. He was very nice and did exactly as she asked. Mom said the lady was very good and it turns out that she is the same lady who took care of my dad's sister until a change in insurance made her not be allowed to do it anymore. She shaved him, got him all clean, and Mom even got to take a much needed nap today. If I had been there, I would have given her a cash tip. I'm sure Mom didn't because it's a generation thing...she just doesn't know to do it. I think I can rest well tonight.

YES!

It's fall!

As of right now the fall of 2009 begins and I am so ready for it. Last night we had a cool front come through, so there was a little tinge of cool in the air this morning. To me, that is my signal to make chili, so that's exactly what I did when I got home from Dad's today. I am trying again to do the Shake Those Pounds so I won't be having any of this until I get back from two more functions that I must go to today. I had my shake a little while ago, so I am good until I can get back home to stay. Our hospital has added a new floor and has an open house today, which I plan to attend and a friend's mother died, so I must drop by the funeral home as well. After that, I am HOME!

I went today and stayed with Dad so Mom could go to lunch with some ladies from her church. She needs to get out away from him sometimes. I took him a hamburger and some vanilla wafers that he asked for yesterday and he ate half the burger and the cookies before going back to his bed. My brother did get him to go out and walk a little bit today, so that made me happy. I just don't want him to get to the point that he cannot get out of bed and go to the bathroom without help. He uses a walker and does OK with that. Home Health is working on getting someone to visit him and help him shave and get a shower.

Another day!

After working all day in the yard, I cleaned up and went to see Dad. When I got there, Mom was asleep in her room and he had his eyes closed in his room...don't know if he was asleep. I finally went in again to see him after Mom got up and he just lay there and held my hand. My brother tried to get him to walk some this morning and he wouldn't. Dad told me that he would try to walk some tomorrow. We are afraid that if he doesn't walk, then he will get where he can't. My brother and I don't know what we would do then. We would have to try to find a sitter....which is no easy task. Every day gets a little worse. I'm still praying for the angels to come and get him before he gets to that stage.

You need to laugh?????

No whining today!

Each year I enjoy watching the hummingbirds. In fact, it's the only bird feeder that I will have in my yard because all other birds make a mess. During the summer, I only had two hummers using my feeder, but now that it is time to tank up for their journey to South America there are birds everywhere. If it is possible to count them, I had six at one time today. They drained my feeder in one day. It was completely empty this morning. Thinking that it must have leaked out, I checked for a drip, but there was none.

This afternoon I took a short leisurely trip to Bossier City, home of Barksdale Air Force Base. All of a sudden right in front of me was the piggybacked shuttle coming in for a landing at Barksdale. I was so shocked that I could not get a picture due to my fumbling with the phone and trying to not run over someone. I missed it, but as I got to my destination in Bossier, Albertson's
Grocery store, and parked in their lot, I saw it again. Apparently, it didn't land the first time and came around again. This time I did get a picture, but not a very good one, so the one here is not mine. I was thrilled to see it so close. I have seen it before much higher in the air and, of course, I have seen it at NASA, but never like this. Awesome sight!

I'm feeling better!

I put off going to see Dad until late in the day. When I got there, he got up and came and sat in the kitchen with me. He looked better and did much better last night without taking that darvocet. He was able to sleep and get up by himself to go to the bathroom without falling. Mom slept as well. While I was there, a family friend of ours came and he shaved dad for him. Dad has been having trouble shaving and Mom has been trying to help him, but this guy did a great job getting Dad shaved. Dad said it was the best shave he ever had. After that, Dad went back to lie down and said he felt better with a clean shave. We have some great friends and I drove home without bursting into tears as soon as I drove away from them.

I brought one of Dad's ambiens home with me to try tonight and see if it helps me sleep. I hope so. It's been raining for days, I have a good book to read and Dad is better today....plus, I have a sleeping pill! It's all good!

One more day!

Every day I dread going to see my dad and every day when I leave, I remember why. I start to cry as soon as I leave because he is just so pitiful. Last night he fell twice trying to go to the bathroom. Both times my mom had to call my brother to come get him up. We decided that tonight he will not take any darvocet. It makes him crazy and not be able to walk. Mom sat in a recliner the rest of the night in Dad's room because she did not want to have to wake my brother up yet again to go get him up. I took him some apple dumplings that I made and he ate one and told me it was good. Nothing is ever good to him anymore. He is wearing my mother out as well. She went to bed at 8 this morning and slept till 11:30. When I got there at 3, she was asleep again. This is killing her. It's killing all of us. I pray every day that God will take him.

Now that's funny!

Oh, NOOOOO!

Dad's rest meds are messing with him. He got up at midnight and tried to get dressed. He could not get his pants on and fell while trying to get dressed. He thought he heard Mom tell him to come to breakfast. Brother came and got him up, but Mom thinks he may have cracked a rib. Even if he did, not much can be done about it. She is just giving him darvocet to ease the pain. He came in the kitchen while I was there and ate some watermelon that I brought to him, so his pain wasn't too bad to do that. I think his ribs may just be bruised. I hope so. I need a margarita!

Yeah...jus' sayin'!

More pictures here

Yep! My kind of day....

After a morning of church, then lunch at my brother's, I came home, put down the garage door and slept. The weather was perfect for doing this. I tried to watch some football, but just couldn't stay awake. I wanted to read a book, but just couldn't stay awake. Maybe tomorrow will be more productive, but if it isn't , that's OK, too! I don't even care about being productive right now.

In the last two days, I saw a republican congressman behave badly, a tennis player (Serena Williams) behave badly, and an entertainer (?) (Kanye West) behave worse than the other two combined. What is happening to our people? It's embarrassing!

Much needed busy day!

A friend of mine is on the Board of Directors of the Louisiana March of Dimes and today there was a brunch fundraiser at El Dorado casino. He had already bought a table at the event, but he could not go because he had a ribbon cutting of his new business tonight, so 7 of us filled up his table for him and enjoyed the brunch. He wouldn't have enjoyed it anyway because it was mostly a women's event with a style show and girlie stuff.

Tonight I went to the ribbon cutting of his new business, which is an event center called Orleans on Main in Minden. He has renovated an old building on Main Street and it is absolutely beautiful and already booked through the end of the year. He had the opening catered and had live music for entertainment. Very classy...just like him.

The only time I had today to go see Dad was between these two events and usually at that time Mom is trying to rest, so I didn't go. First time in a month that I didn't see my dad, but when I called tonight, my brother was there and Dad had several visitors today. I'll go tomorrow.

Never FORGET the morons who did this to us 8 years ago today!

Never EVER forget!

Good news/bad news!

The good news is that my brother just called me after they saw the radiation doctor. Doc said he could barely see any evidence of the tumor on the tomotherapy CT scan, so he thinks the radiation has helped. On the other hand, Dad is worn completely out because he had to wait 45 minutes before he got his treatment today, then another 45 minutes before seeing the doctor. He is just too weak to do that. They are on their way home. Mom went with them today, so I'm sure my brother is worn out as well.

This morning my friend from high school that loves my dad came over and filled the two raised beds that she brought last spring with compost, and then planted all sorts of fall vegetables including potatoes, carrots, Swiss chard, kale, collards, and all kinds of stuff that I don't even know what it is. Dad cannot see well enough to watch it grow, but I can and I will take care of it.

I found it!

This is the song Dad was talking about. Of course, the waterworks started all over again.

People are nice!

I stopped by the barber shop on my way to get Dad and told the barber that I would be bringing Dad back to get all his hair cut off. When I got Dad back to the shop, there were two men ahead of him. They both told the barber to go ahead and get Dad first. I was so thankful that they did that. Dad is too weak to sit and wait. Everyone knows my dad, but Dad can't see them enough to know who they are.

He also told me who he wanted to sing at his funeral and what he wanted them to sing...a song that I am not familiar with called, "I Have Returned".

Praying for the angels to come...

I am doing these posts, I guess, mostly for me since my mind won't focus on anything else. Computer games help, but I am still thinking all the time. Today, Dad is only able to walk with a cane or a walker. Thankfully, we already had both at home since Mom already uses a cane and a walker and we have left over ones from other family members who have gone on to their heavenly home. He can barely talk. I am going tomorrow to take him to the barber to get his hair all cut off since it is falling out everywhere. Then my brother is taking him for his treatment tomorrow afternoon. We have already decided that brother will use one of the wheel chairs located at the front door of the cancer center to get him on back to the radiation department. I almost wish they just wouldn't do any more radiation on him. It's just killing him. His head is all burned.

Once again I couldn't take it today to see him so pitiful. I just walked all over the property and cried. I didn't want him to know I was crying, but he can't see me anyway. His vision is even more gone. I saw his little stool out in his berry patch where he sat to do the last little work that he was able to do. I wanted to move it, but I couldn't. I wonder how long it takes for all the tears to be used up. Where do they keep coming from?

We dug a few of my  brothers sweet potatoes today. Only one of the four varieties he planted was ready. The others are still small. These are a white potato and we have no idea how they taste. They have to cure for awhile before we can even try them.

Pity party!

I am back from my own personal pity party. It was so sad seeing Dad today that I just got in my car and drove, and cried, and prayed that God would take him...and drove and cried and prayed some more. Then I went and ate sushi so I am Ok now.

Last night Mom fell again while in the bathroom. She pressed the button around her neck, but had trouble communicating with them. They had an ambulance on the way before she made them understand that she didn't need an ambulance, but she needed my brother to come get her up. Stewart thought her arm was broken, so he called our friend, who is a physical therapist. He came to see about her, but he didn't think it was broken. They iced it and got her to bed. Today, she thinks her finger is broken. Some time later, my dad tried to get off the couch and he could not. Mom was finally able to get Stewart back over there to help get Dad to bed. Today Dad is just so much worse. He just cannot walk.

After lunch at my brother's, I went to Mom's and cleaned her kitchen while she took a nap. I just cannot stand to watch my daddy die!!!!

Fix this, Mr. Obama!

WooHoo!

Since our favorite catfish place that had closed permanently is now back open with the same owners, Dad actually went with us to eat there tonight. He has a girlfriend that is a waitress there. I think that's the only reason he went, but it was nice. I still had to hold his hand and guide him in the restaurant, but he actually ate pretty well. His speech has improved dramatically, so he is talking normal now.

This morning I spent a long time in my yard trying to get rid of some shrubs that I don't like. I don't know the name of them, but I see them everywhere at every house. They have maroon colored leaves, but they grow too fast. I have to trim them all the time and it is just a pain. I cut them down, then dug them up. Dang roots went to China! I'm thinking hydrangeas will fill in the void.

All incumbents.....OUT!

Easy day....FINALLY!

My friend who was going to bring the compost this morning couldn't bring it due to pouring down rain at her house on Caddo Lake. She called me at 8 A.M. and told me that, so I promptly turned over and went back to sleep. It was nice not to have to be somewhere. After hanging out at home, I went to lunch with my Thursday lunch group, then bought Mom's groceries, took them to her, cleaned her kitchen, and went to yoga class. I promptly dropped out of the yoga class because the guy who was "teaching" the class didn't have a clue. I guess he knew some yoga poses, but he surely didn't know how to make the class enjoyable. I got my check back and said, "Adios, this class is not for me". I was tense after I got home. That's not what yoga is supposed to do.

Much needed break!

I am starting to really hate the Willis Knighton Cancer Center and I don't know why. They have been nothing but very professional and nice, but it is so full of really sick people. It's depressing to me, but the sick people are always the ones smiling. Dad finished his regular radiation today and gets a break until Tuesday when they will do 3 days of tomotherapy. Of course, I have been all over that term in Google trying to learn all I can about it.

Tomorrow, a friend of mine from high school is bringing a truck load of compost and lots of seeds and is going to plant a fall garden in two 4 X 8 raised beds which she brought to Dad in the spring. She loves my dad and wants him to be able to watch a garden grow. She doesn't know how really weak he is and that he is unable to even watch it grow right now. He can't see it anyway. Oh, well, I will watch it grow and I will eat the carrots, potatoes and whatever else she plants.

Panic time!

I am so spoiled to online banking and bill paying that I go into panic mode when I think I might actually have to write checks to pay my bills. For the last two days, that function of my bank site has been out of order. I was already trying to figure a way to pay bills without having to actually write checks and put them in envelopes with a stamp. Yep, I'm a bit nerdy, I guess! OR LAZY!

Day 10 of radiation!

Brother is taking Dad for maybe his last treatment today. They will see the doctor and find out if he is going to do the 3 additional treatments that he told me last week they would do. When he sees how weak Dad is, he may not want to do any more. Yesterday, when I took him, he could not sit up in the car. He had to lie down in the back seat going over there and coming home.

My cousin from Virginia is here now. Her mother is Dad's only sibling left and she is 93. My cousin took her to see Dad yesterday. Last night I went out to dinner with my cousin at Superior's Steak House....without a doubt, the best steak in the area. It was good to get away and think about something else and have a couple of glasses of shirazz!!

Difficult day!

I took Dad for his treatment today and we also had an appointment with the oncologist, so Mom went with us. When I got to Mom's, he came from his room to go and he had wet the front of his clothes and down his leg and didn't even know it. He had to go change clothes before we could go. I put pillows on the back seat and he got back there and lay down all the way to Shreveport. He was unable to walk without my holding his hand and leading him everywhere. It's just so, so sad. The weakness is so very evident. I take him again tomorrow and my brother will take him for his last treatment on Wednesday. Then we will find out if the radiation doc is going to do the 3 additional treatments or not. On the plus side (which I must always find) he is talking much better....well, except when he has to take his "stereo" pill.....that would be the same as a steroid!!! AND.....we got someone to come clean Mom's house and she will be there every Monday. She was there today!!! WooHoo!

For the locals...

Yesterday, I went to the new Avocado California Roll Sushi restaurant in Bossier over in the Target shopping center. I had some smoked salmon sushi and lettuce wraps and both were excellent. Just looked it up and they have a website, but the Bossier location isn't listed yet. Most of them are in the Dallas area. I was there at lunch and they were not crowded, but had a reasonable business.

I'm tired!

Bulleted day!

• Mom's groceries bought
• Held daddy's hand for today
• My laundry all finished
• Yard work all finished
• Yard all watered
• House vacuumed
• Flowers deadheaded
• Answered all the "Dad inquiries" at the grocery store. Even the check out lady at Wal-Mart looked at me and said, "Your dad is sick, isn't he?" I don't know her!!!
  
• Sick of hearing  "brain cancer" on every media outlet. I always think of Dad, not Ted Kennedy, when they say he died of brain cancer.
• Time for a bubble bath
  

Called to action!

Today was supposed to be my day to stay home and take care of my business at home, but that didn't happen. My brother called at 12:45 and was taking Dad for his treatment in Shreveport. They were in Dad's truck, but it started running hot, so he pulled off the side of the interstate and called me to come get Dad and take him on to his 1:30 appointment for radiation. I got in gear and got Dad to his appointment right on time, but, of course, he still had to wait a few minutes before they came to get him. Because of the various states of undress and hospital gowns, I am not allowed to stay in the men's waiting room with him. I have to wait on the ladies' side. I have to watch for him when he gets through because he would have no clue where he was. We got that taken care of while my brother called a tow truck to haul the truck back home. We both got back to Dad's at the same time. Brother is going to take Dad the rest of this week. What will I do with myself? Oh..I know. Tomorrow I have a list of groceries that I have to get for Mom, and a dental appointment on Thursday....and stuff that I didn't get done today.

My turn..

Today was my first time to take Dad for his radiation treatment. My brother took him all last week. It only took 10 minutes, but we have to see the doctor on Mondays. The doc said it was too soon to tell if radiation was helping, but by the end of this week we should be able to tell a difference in his speech...assuming the radiation is shrinking the tumor. I did ask the doc if he found any other activity in his brain and he said he did not. He originally told us that there is usually more than the one tumor which showed up on the CT scan. Brother is taking him tomorrow.

I'm having yet another day of not being able to keep anything down that I eat. This is happening very frequently. I never feel bad, but there is a tightness in my throat that refuses to let any food stay down. It's my own little mystery!

Holy crap!

I play this game a lot to keep my mind busy, so I don't have to think about my dad. Look at this! I am #2. This has never happened before and probably will never happen again!

Holy Moly!

I know my neighbor was being helpful, but I had to do it all over today. His mower left yard clippings covering my yard and the whole yard was brown. I have never seen grass clippings like that. I waited until he and his wife left this afternoon for their Bible study class and I got out there and put the attachment on my mower that catches the clippings and redid it all. Now I have the sprinklers going to get it all green again. I have 3 huge bags of grass clippings that my mower vacuumed up from my yard. I'm not complaining because I know he meant well!!

CRAZY!

Since my brother took Dad again yesterday for his treatment, I took Mom's car and got it washed, oil changed, inspected, etc. Dad has to see me every day, so I was there this morning to stay with him while Mom went to get her hair done in her shiny clean car. After I got them all taken care of this morning, it was time to take care of my own car. Took it to be washed, but didn't get back in time to get the oil changed. I have to keep busy or I just get crazy thinking too much and wondering how bad it will get before it kills Dad. I just don't want him to suffer. Not one tear today!!!WooHoo!

Nice people ROCK!

After a much needed nap tonight, I went outside and found my yard mowed, edged and blown off. I was going to do it tomorrow since the weather is supposed to be cooler. Turns out my neighbors have already lost their parents to cancer and they know the pain I am in facing with this. Not only did they mow my yard, but they brought me dinner as well. I am not worthy!!  BUT...I am grateful! My neighbors carry me when I am down!

Cancer sucks!

My brother has taken over Daddy duties yesterday, today and tomorrow. I was going to take him today, but my brother called last night and told me he wanted me to go meet my regular Thursday lunch group for lunch, so I did. It was nice to be able to think about something else for a few minutes. Since Saturday I have had a popping in my jaw when I chew. It is driving me crazy. My buds told me today that it is from clenching my teeth at night while sleeping. Didn't know I did that and I probably didn't until this week. They said the stress causes it. I see my dentist soon, so I hope he can get me some relief. It doesn't hurt, but it is annoying.

Today some of our friends went to Mom and Dad's with their huge lawn mower and mowed everything there. Wow! What a relief to not have to worry about that. He said he will continue to do it as long as we need it.

Crying session over for today!

I am back from my crying session today. When I got to Dad's, he just hugged me and told me he was waiting to see me. He cried and I cried and then he went to his room to try to take a nap. We got today off from doctors. Actual treatment starts tomorrow and I will take him to that. I did some cleaning in their house and sent Mom off to rest. Brother was going to try to take Dad fishing today, but he decided Dad didn't feel like it. All kinds of people brought food to their house last night, so I guess I will not worry about making sure they eat. Mom has to eat or she will have a low blood sugar. Dad just eats sugar!!! He's not interested in nutrition, but he weighs 138 pounds, so he is fine. He can eat whatever he feels like eating and all he ever feels like eating is sweets.

Thanks...

Today I have cried a river of tears with my dad. He cries when he sees me and when he cries, I cry. Then when I found out that my brother couldn't eat last night and sat in his chair and cried for 2 hours, I cried even more. He never ever cries. I'm a wuss and cry all the time. I can cry over a TV show. Mom and Dad gave us each $5000 today. They usually do that at Christmas, but I guess he thinks he won't be here at Christmas and he wants us to have it now. A special thanks to all my email and blog friends who have sent their love and prayers to me. I am so grateful. Thanks for the phone calls and cards as well.

I'm sad!

Spent all day today in doctors' offices with Mom and Dad. Radiation will start tomorrow, but the prognosis is 3 to 6 months. Radiation doctor thinks he can improve quality of life, but not quantity. That's all I want. I actually want him to die in his sleep without having to go through any more....tonight, please, God!

No sleeping in!

On Thursday, I had to get up early to take Mom and Dad to get the CT scan. Yesterday morning Dad called and woke me up asking me to take him a few places. Today he just called again and woke me up, but this time he wanted to tell me he had a good night of sleep and he could put a sentence together this morning. The steroids must have reduced some swelling....anyway, I am grateful that he feels good enough to call me.

Uh-0h!

My weigh in at Shake Those Pounds today is going to be skewed. One week since I started the program, but today I haven't been able to keep anything down. That's why I am up at this time of the night...throwing up bile because there is surely no food to come up. I'm predicting about 8 pounds gone this week, but I know it is mostly water weight!!!

Well, I'm just a mess!

Took Dad for a brain scan this morning. By noon, my brother had been contacted by the doctor with the news that there has not been a stroke, but his cancer is back in the form of a half dollar sized tumor in his brain. I certainly had feared that, but had not voiced it. My brother had done the same thing. Dad was a bit relieved because it gave him a reason for not being able to form his words and say things right. Dad is worried about Mom, my brother and myself, but he is not worried for himself. He is ready to go to his heavenly home. Monday, we go to the oncologist. He will radiate the tumor as treatment this time. I know that because my cousin, who is a doctor, has already called the oncologist and talked to him. It's nice to have a doctor in the family!!! Our cousin also gave Dad some steroids to help him through the weekend with some reduced swelling. I wish he had given me some!!!