I spent a good part of this day mulching the leaves at Mom's. Each year (if it wasn't too cold), Dad would sit outside in a chair and watch me do this. Every once in a while he would get up and go rake a few leaves from a fence line or from under a tree so I could run over them with the mower. Today his chair was there, but he wasn't. I guess some day I will stop blogging about this, but right now I just can't.
I couldn't stop crying yesterday. Everything made me think of my dad, especially lunch at my brother's house. It was so sad to have Dad's seat empty and it made me miss him so much. Not a day goes by that I don't shed a few tears. I guess emotions will be on the surface for a while. Today was better. I was at Mom's early and found out that her home health nurse had told her this morning that she needed the doctor to look at her foot. Looks like an infection has set in and she is a diabetic who has lots of trouble with her feet. She will see the doc tomorrow morning. I picked up some more pecans and then took 70 pounds to be cracked. Looks like lots of them were no good inside, but Mom will pick out the good ones.
Today, I went out with friends and it was a wonderfully, delicious diversion. Four of us visited the grand opening of a new apartment and retail center called The Villagio. It's all upscale and very nice. We then went to the Boardwalk in Bossier City and sat on the patio of Copeland's Cheesecake Bistro and drank margaritas and ate 4 different appetizers. It was great relaxation for me and a great way to focus on something new for a change. Didn't even get to Mom's today, but she was glad I was able to focus on something else and be with my friends. She is a saint and I love her so much. She told one of my friends that she had the two best children in the world. AWWWWW!
I commandeered my neighbor's yard crew and got them to do my yard just this once. Being totally committed to my dad for the last month got me way behind on things at my own home. The yard is something I do myself because I am kind of anal about it being perfect, but today I just needed help. My house is almost clean as well.
I got yet another beautiful bromeliad today with two blooms from a friend who just found out about my dad. It is beautiful and means so much to me. My garage is full of flowers that I have to find a place for, but never fear, I will. The debt on the new building at my dad's church is being reduced daily with memorial donations. They built the building for 1 million dollars and had a 300,000 down payment. Their debt is down to $50,000 in about 3 years. AMAZING!
We laid my dad to rest yesterday in a beautiful little cemetery down in the country with my mom's family. Since he helped start the volunteer fire department in his little town and my brother is currently the fire chief, a fire truck led the processional to the cemetery. As we passed the local post office, we saw that the American flag was flying at half mast in honor of my dad. That was a very moving sight. The service was absolutely perfect. I would not have changed one thing or one word that my high school friend and neighbor said about my dad or one thing his minister said. Both of them spoke so eloquently and I had made a CD over a year ago of Larry Gatlin singing,"In the Garden" which was played during the service. That song always makes me think of Dad.Dad had told me a few weeks ago what song he wanted sung at his funeral and who he wanted to sing it. It was exactly as he had requested. I have brought my dad's ambien home with me and tonight I am hoping for some deep sleep.
Daddy's gone. He went to his heavenly home last night at 12:30. I miss him dearly already, but I know he is in a place better than all of us. As I left his side last night and started to drive to my home, I started crying and I said out loud to no one....I have seen my daddy for the last time.
Mom, Brother and I made a decision to have an ambulance transport Dad back home to his own bed and call in hospice. We did that today and I feel confident we did the right thing. Hospice has already been there and supplied us with morphine and ativan drops to just put in his mouth to help him rest. He has had no food today and hasn't asked for any. The swallowing problem is still an issue, so we just put ice in his mouth when he wants water. The sitter is with him at home and Mom is sleeping, I hope. After a restless night last night, I am about to go to bed and hope for some sleep tonight. My heart hurts.
Dad was unable to swallow today and we are pretty sure he aspirated. He choked a lot, so he is getting zero nutrition. Nothing works to help him rest...even the knock out shot last night failed. Tonight he had morphine. I would not let Mom and brother leave me tonight until the sitter got there. Usually they go on home and I wait for the sitter to come at 8:30, but tonight I was afraid. They waited with me. My brother broke down and cried today in the room. I'm tired!!!!!
Dad still in hospital. I'm tired. Upside is I lost 8 pounds. Gotta find the positive somewhere!
We had an ambulance bring Dad to the hospital yesterday. I thought he had a small stroke because when we tried to get him walking back to his room after sitting up a long time, his right leg was just sort of flopping. After we got him back to bed, he wanted to pee every 5 minutes, but couldn't even get up enough to get to the potty chair. After his wetting the bed twice and constantly calling for Mom, who had already been up with him all night, I just called an ambulance. Mom can't deal with this any more. Don't know what the next step is...probably hospice and sitters. The sitter we had lined up for last night came and sat with him at the hospital and we all got to go to our respective homes and rest. She is coming again tonight to the hospital. What a blessing she is, but we have some big decisions to make. Every day I pray that this will be the day God takes him home. I guess I'm selfish and don't want to make the hard decisions. Going to try to rest a few minutes while my brother is at the hospital. I was there at 6:30 this morning and someone brought Mom at 10. She is still there.
I got to Mom's this morning while the lady who does Dad's bath and shaves him was there, but the home health nurse had already been there. Home health gave Mom an ultimatum...either we get a sitter or she would get one for us. She was serious, too! I called the lady who had already said she would do it and she came and met with Mom and me. She starts tomorrow night at 10 - 6 and I am so grateful. We know that she is honest because we know several others she has sat with including my aunt until she died. We are setting her up in their living room,which they never use anyway, and it is right next to Dad's room. My brother and I set up a TV and a recliner in there today and the baby monitor works great, so she can use that and not have to be in the room with him. I think Mom is relieved to have her Tuesday-Friday. There is another lady that I think we can get when we need someone for the other 3 nights. I told Dad today that the home health nurse said we must get Mom some help. He didn't say anything, so I think he probably didn't hear me. While the sitter was there making plans with us, the home health nurse who was there earlier called to see if we were getting help. I told her "thank you" for telling Mom that we must do this and that we were hiring someone at that moment.I think I might even sleep well tonight.
