Good news/bad news!

The good news is that my brother just called me after they saw the radiation doctor. Doc said he could barely see any evidence of the tumor on the tomotherapy CT scan, so he thinks the radiation has helped. On the other hand, Dad is worn completely out because he had to wait 45 minutes before he got his treatment today, then another 45 minutes before seeing the doctor. He is just too weak to do that. They are on their way home. Mom went with them today, so I'm sure my brother is worn out as well.

This morning my friend from high school that loves my dad came over and filled the two raised beds that she brought last spring with compost, and then planted all sorts of fall vegetables including potatoes, carrots, Swiss chard, kale, collards, and all kinds of stuff that I don't even know what it is. Dad cannot see well enough to watch it grow, but I can and I will take care of it.

I found it!

This is the song Dad was talking about. Of course, the waterworks started all over again.

People are nice!

I stopped by the barber shop on my way to get Dad and told the barber that I would be bringing Dad back to get all his hair cut off. When I got Dad back to the shop, there were two men ahead of him. They both told the barber to go ahead and get Dad first. I was so thankful that they did that. Dad is too weak to sit and wait. Everyone knows my dad, but Dad can't see them enough to know who they are.

He also told me who he wanted to sing at his funeral and what he wanted them to sing...a song that I am not familiar with called, "I Have Returned".

Praying for the angels to come...

I am doing these posts, I guess, mostly for me since my mind won't focus on anything else. Computer games help, but I am still thinking all the time. Today, Dad is only able to walk with a cane or a walker. Thankfully, we already had both at home since Mom already uses a cane and a walker and we have left over ones from other family members who have gone on to their heavenly home. He can barely talk. I am going tomorrow to take him to the barber to get his hair all cut off since it is falling out everywhere. Then my brother is taking him for his treatment tomorrow afternoon. We have already decided that brother will use one of the wheel chairs located at the front door of the cancer center to get him on back to the radiation department. I almost wish they just wouldn't do any more radiation on him. It's just killing him. His head is all burned.

Once again I couldn't take it today to see him so pitiful. I just walked all over the property and cried. I didn't want him to know I was crying, but he can't see me anyway. His vision is even more gone. I saw his little stool out in his berry patch where he sat to do the last little work that he was able to do. I wanted to move it, but I couldn't. I wonder how long it takes for all the tears to be used up. Where do they keep coming from?

We dug a few of my  brothers sweet potatoes today. Only one of the four varieties he planted was ready. The others are still small. These are a white potato and we have no idea how they taste. They have to cure for awhile before we can even try them.

Pity party!

I am back from my own personal pity party. It was so sad seeing Dad today that I just got in my car and drove, and cried, and prayed that God would take him...and drove and cried and prayed some more. Then I went and ate sushi so I am Ok now.

Last night Mom fell again while in the bathroom. She pressed the button around her neck, but had trouble communicating with them. They had an ambulance on the way before she made them understand that she didn't need an ambulance, but she needed my brother to come get her up. Stewart thought her arm was broken, so he called our friend, who is a physical therapist. He came to see about her, but he didn't think it was broken. They iced it and got her to bed. Today, she thinks her finger is broken. Some time later, my dad tried to get off the couch and he could not. Mom was finally able to get Stewart back over there to help get Dad to bed. Today Dad is just so much worse. He just cannot walk.

After lunch at my brother's, I went to Mom's and cleaned her kitchen while she took a nap. I just cannot stand to watch my daddy die!!!!

Fix this, Mr. Obama!

WooHoo!

Since our favorite catfish place that had closed permanently is now back open with the same owners, Dad actually went with us to eat there tonight. He has a girlfriend that is a waitress there. I think that's the only reason he went, but it was nice. I still had to hold his hand and guide him in the restaurant, but he actually ate pretty well. His speech has improved dramatically, so he is talking normal now.

This morning I spent a long time in my yard trying to get rid of some shrubs that I don't like. I don't know the name of them, but I see them everywhere at every house. They have maroon colored leaves, but they grow too fast. I have to trim them all the time and it is just a pain. I cut them down, then dug them up. Dang roots went to China! I'm thinking hydrangeas will fill in the void.

All incumbents.....OUT!

Easy day....FINALLY!

My friend who was going to bring the compost this morning couldn't bring it due to pouring down rain at her house on Caddo Lake. She called me at 8 A.M. and told me that, so I promptly turned over and went back to sleep. It was nice not to have to be somewhere. After hanging out at home, I went to lunch with my Thursday lunch group, then bought Mom's groceries, took them to her, cleaned her kitchen, and went to yoga class. I promptly dropped out of the yoga class because the guy who was "teaching" the class didn't have a clue. I guess he knew some yoga poses, but he surely didn't know how to make the class enjoyable. I got my check back and said, "Adios, this class is not for me". I was tense after I got home. That's not what yoga is supposed to do.

Much needed break!

I am starting to really hate the Willis Knighton Cancer Center and I don't know why. They have been nothing but very professional and nice, but it is so full of really sick people. It's depressing to me, but the sick people are always the ones smiling. Dad finished his regular radiation today and gets a break until Tuesday when they will do 3 days of tomotherapy. Of course, I have been all over that term in Google trying to learn all I can about it.

Tomorrow, a friend of mine from high school is bringing a truck load of compost and lots of seeds and is going to plant a fall garden in two 4 X 8 raised beds which she brought to Dad in the spring. She loves my dad and wants him to be able to watch a garden grow. She doesn't know how really weak he is and that he is unable to even watch it grow right now. He can't see it anyway. Oh, well, I will watch it grow and I will eat the carrots, potatoes and whatever else she plants.

Panic time!

I am so spoiled to online banking and bill paying that I go into panic mode when I think I might actually have to write checks to pay my bills. For the last two days, that function of my bank site has been out of order. I was already trying to figure a way to pay bills without having to actually write checks and put them in envelopes with a stamp. Yep, I'm a bit nerdy, I guess! OR LAZY!

Day 10 of radiation!

Brother is taking Dad for maybe his last treatment today. They will see the doctor and find out if he is going to do the 3 additional treatments that he told me last week they would do. When he sees how weak Dad is, he may not want to do any more. Yesterday, when I took him, he could not sit up in the car. He had to lie down in the back seat going over there and coming home.

My cousin from Virginia is here now. Her mother is Dad's only sibling left and she is 93. My cousin took her to see Dad yesterday. Last night I went out to dinner with my cousin at Superior's Steak House....without a doubt, the best steak in the area. It was good to get away and think about something else and have a couple of glasses of shirazz!!

Difficult day!

I took Dad for his treatment today and we also had an appointment with the oncologist, so Mom went with us. When I got to Mom's, he came from his room to go and he had wet the front of his clothes and down his leg and didn't even know it. He had to go change clothes before we could go. I put pillows on the back seat and he got back there and lay down all the way to Shreveport. He was unable to walk without my holding his hand and leading him everywhere. It's just so, so sad. The weakness is so very evident. I take him again tomorrow and my brother will take him for his last treatment on Wednesday. Then we will find out if the radiation doc is going to do the 3 additional treatments or not. On the plus side (which I must always find) he is talking much better....well, except when he has to take his "stereo" pill.....that would be the same as a steroid!!! AND.....we got someone to come clean Mom's house and she will be there every Monday. She was there today!!! WooHoo!

For the locals...

Yesterday, I went to the new Avocado California Roll Sushi restaurant in Bossier over in the Target shopping center. I had some smoked salmon sushi and lettuce wraps and both were excellent. Just looked it up and they have a website, but the Bossier location isn't listed yet. Most of them are in the Dallas area. I was there at lunch and they were not crowded, but had a reasonable business.

I'm tired!

Bulleted day!

• Mom's groceries bought
• Held daddy's hand for today
• My laundry all finished
• Yard work all finished
• Yard all watered
• House vacuumed
• Flowers deadheaded
• Answered all the "Dad inquiries" at the grocery store. Even the check out lady at Wal-Mart looked at me and said, "Your dad is sick, isn't he?" I don't know her!!!
  
• Sick of hearing  "brain cancer" on every media outlet. I always think of Dad, not Ted Kennedy, when they say he died of brain cancer.
• Time for a bubble bath
  

Called to action!

Today was supposed to be my day to stay home and take care of my business at home, but that didn't happen. My brother called at 12:45 and was taking Dad for his treatment in Shreveport. They were in Dad's truck, but it started running hot, so he pulled off the side of the interstate and called me to come get Dad and take him on to his 1:30 appointment for radiation. I got in gear and got Dad to his appointment right on time, but, of course, he still had to wait a few minutes before they came to get him. Because of the various states of undress and hospital gowns, I am not allowed to stay in the men's waiting room with him. I have to wait on the ladies' side. I have to watch for him when he gets through because he would have no clue where he was. We got that taken care of while my brother called a tow truck to haul the truck back home. We both got back to Dad's at the same time. Brother is going to take Dad the rest of this week. What will I do with myself? Oh..I know. Tomorrow I have a list of groceries that I have to get for Mom, and a dental appointment on Thursday....and stuff that I didn't get done today.

My turn..

Today was my first time to take Dad for his radiation treatment. My brother took him all last week. It only took 10 minutes, but we have to see the doctor on Mondays. The doc said it was too soon to tell if radiation was helping, but by the end of this week we should be able to tell a difference in his speech...assuming the radiation is shrinking the tumor. I did ask the doc if he found any other activity in his brain and he said he did not. He originally told us that there is usually more than the one tumor which showed up on the CT scan. Brother is taking him tomorrow.

I'm having yet another day of not being able to keep anything down that I eat. This is happening very frequently. I never feel bad, but there is a tightness in my throat that refuses to let any food stay down. It's my own little mystery!

Holy crap!

I play this game a lot to keep my mind busy, so I don't have to think about my dad. Look at this! I am #2. This has never happened before and probably will never happen again!

Holy Moly!

I know my neighbor was being helpful, but I had to do it all over today. His mower left yard clippings covering my yard and the whole yard was brown. I have never seen grass clippings like that. I waited until he and his wife left this afternoon for their Bible study class and I got out there and put the attachment on my mower that catches the clippings and redid it all. Now I have the sprinklers going to get it all green again. I have 3 huge bags of grass clippings that my mower vacuumed up from my yard. I'm not complaining because I know he meant well!!

CRAZY!

Since my brother took Dad again yesterday for his treatment, I took Mom's car and got it washed, oil changed, inspected, etc. Dad has to see me every day, so I was there this morning to stay with him while Mom went to get her hair done in her shiny clean car. After I got them all taken care of this morning, it was time to take care of my own car. Took it to be washed, but didn't get back in time to get the oil changed. I have to keep busy or I just get crazy thinking too much and wondering how bad it will get before it kills Dad. I just don't want him to suffer. Not one tear today!!!WooHoo!

Nice people ROCK!

After a much needed nap tonight, I went outside and found my yard mowed, edged and blown off. I was going to do it tomorrow since the weather is supposed to be cooler. Turns out my neighbors have already lost their parents to cancer and they know the pain I am in facing with this. Not only did they mow my yard, but they brought me dinner as well. I am not worthy!!  BUT...I am grateful! My neighbors carry me when I am down!

Cancer sucks!

My brother has taken over Daddy duties yesterday, today and tomorrow. I was going to take him today, but my brother called last night and told me he wanted me to go meet my regular Thursday lunch group for lunch, so I did. It was nice to be able to think about something else for a few minutes. Since Saturday I have had a popping in my jaw when I chew. It is driving me crazy. My buds told me today that it is from clenching my teeth at night while sleeping. Didn't know I did that and I probably didn't until this week. They said the stress causes it. I see my dentist soon, so I hope he can get me some relief. It doesn't hurt, but it is annoying.

Today some of our friends went to Mom and Dad's with their huge lawn mower and mowed everything there. Wow! What a relief to not have to worry about that. He said he will continue to do it as long as we need it.

Crying session over for today!

I am back from my crying session today. When I got to Dad's, he just hugged me and told me he was waiting to see me. He cried and I cried and then he went to his room to try to take a nap. We got today off from doctors. Actual treatment starts tomorrow and I will take him to that. I did some cleaning in their house and sent Mom off to rest. Brother was going to try to take Dad fishing today, but he decided Dad didn't feel like it. All kinds of people brought food to their house last night, so I guess I will not worry about making sure they eat. Mom has to eat or she will have a low blood sugar. Dad just eats sugar!!! He's not interested in nutrition, but he weighs 138 pounds, so he is fine. He can eat whatever he feels like eating and all he ever feels like eating is sweets.

Thanks...

Today I have cried a river of tears with my dad. He cries when he sees me and when he cries, I cry. Then when I found out that my brother couldn't eat last night and sat in his chair and cried for 2 hours, I cried even more. He never ever cries. I'm a wuss and cry all the time. I can cry over a TV show. Mom and Dad gave us each $5000 today. They usually do that at Christmas, but I guess he thinks he won't be here at Christmas and he wants us to have it now. A special thanks to all my email and blog friends who have sent their love and prayers to me. I am so grateful. Thanks for the phone calls and cards as well.

I'm sad!

Spent all day today in doctors' offices with Mom and Dad. Radiation will start tomorrow, but the prognosis is 3 to 6 months. Radiation doctor thinks he can improve quality of life, but not quantity. That's all I want. I actually want him to die in his sleep without having to go through any more....tonight, please, God!

No sleeping in!

On Thursday, I had to get up early to take Mom and Dad to get the CT scan. Yesterday morning Dad called and woke me up asking me to take him a few places. Today he just called again and woke me up, but this time he wanted to tell me he had a good night of sleep and he could put a sentence together this morning. The steroids must have reduced some swelling....anyway, I am grateful that he feels good enough to call me.

Uh-0h!

My weigh in at Shake Those Pounds today is going to be skewed. One week since I started the program, but today I haven't been able to keep anything down. That's why I am up at this time of the night...throwing up bile because there is surely no food to come up. I'm predicting about 8 pounds gone this week, but I know it is mostly water weight!!!

Well, I'm just a mess!

Took Dad for a brain scan this morning. By noon, my brother had been contacted by the doctor with the news that there has not been a stroke, but his cancer is back in the form of a half dollar sized tumor in his brain. I certainly had feared that, but had not voiced it. My brother had done the same thing. Dad was a bit relieved because it gave him a reason for not being able to form his words and say things right. Dad is worried about Mom, my brother and myself, but he is not worried for himself. He is ready to go to his heavenly home. Monday, we go to the oncologist. He will radiate the tumor as treatment this time. I know that because my cousin, who is a doctor, has already called the oncologist and talked to him. It's nice to have a doctor in the family!!! Our cousin also gave Dad some steroids to help him through the weekend with some reduced swelling. I wish he had given me some!!!

I knew it!

After describing Dad's symptoms to the office nurse at the doc's office, the doc wanted to see him this morning. He agrees with us that Dad has probably had a mild stroke. Tomorrow morning he will get a CT scan of his brain to see if they can confirm this, but in the meantime, we will fill a script for a blood thinner.  I should have gone to medical school!!!:)

So, so Tired!!!

I am physically, emotionally and mentally drained! We did all the mowing at Mom and Dad's this morning while Mom took Dad to see about his hearing aid. The audiologist says there is nothing wrong with his hearing aid. His hearing is not going to be any better and he cannot hear anything. Mom thinks that he has had a small stroke that affected his hearing (the little he had left). We know something has affected his mind and his speech. His words are slurred and he has trouble getting them out. It's just so, so sad to me that I cry every time I leave there. Mom says he tells her he is just not good for anything anymore...and it's true. She thinks he would commit suicide if he could. I told her that he can't because he doesn't own a pistol and he doesn't have enough strength to rig up a shotgun. I told her that I wish he could just drop dead and be with his Maker and that's what she wishes as well. It's what he wishes as well.

Mom is pretty well all banged up and pretty sore. Her expensive new glasses are all bent up, but I have them with me to take and see if someone can fix them. She's wearing her old ones now. The home health nurse is seeing about getting her a new walker and checking with the physical therapist to see if there is anything she could do to help prevent these falls.

Everything is pretty much a wreck in my world right now!!

Just another manic Sunday...

I think the song is Manic Monday, but for me it's Sunday. Before I even got home from my brother's after having lunch there with the family, he called me to tell me he had to go pick Mom up again. That's twice this week she has fallen and had to use the button around her neck to call for help. The people who monitor the button call my brother and he goes to get her up. Earlier this week she fell on her walker and broke it. We are getting it replaced. She must have really good bones, but she has never been a milk drinker. She won't touch it!!! She gets bruised up, but so far has not broken anything.

My dad is just so pitiful. He is going to go back tomorrow and see if something can be done about his hearing aid. He didn't eat any lunch and just wants to die. I wish he could because I just hate seeing him so miserable. It's just too sad for me to see.

Wracked with pain!

Someone sent me a power point presentation today entitled " Our Parents" and I cannot get it off my mind. It made me cry because it was all about how we must not lose patience with the elderly. It reminded us of how they took our hands as children and took such good care of us and cleaned up after us when we made messes and wiped our mouths when food was stuck on our faces. It reminded us that they took our hands teaching us to walk so that we would not fall. We owe all the same deep, abiding love to them now that they gave us. It reminded me that they are no longer living, but just existing. This is so, so true. I feel so sorry for my dad because he is legally blind and nearly deaf. That is not living! He is so ready to be gone from this Earth and I do not blame him. The presentation said that we should not tell our parents that they already told that story......remember how they would read the same book over and over to us when we were children...just because we asked!!! My mom may tell me the same thing that she just told me five minutes before. Thankfully, I never tell her that she just told me that. I just listen and go on. It is sad and although I try to do the right thing, sometimes, I am afraid that I fail. Now I am feeling guilty for things that I might have done in the past. I cherish my parents and the life they gave me. I owe them everything.

Redneck Ingenuity!

Soup for lunch!

Went to get my teeth cleaned and to check to see why one tooth is hot/cold sensitive. Was there 1 hour and 45 minutes. Doc filled a cavity and due to my complaining about my new crown getting food always stuck around it, he removed it and is making a new one. CRAP! I wasn't expecting all that. Haven't had a cavity in years, but I have had root canal and crowns. I'm thankful he wants to make it right for me even though I hate going through this again. He could not get the crown off the regular way, so he cut it off. He was going to just add some porcelain to it and make it better, but he ended up breaking it all apart....soooo..now a new one will be made...all, of course, at no cost to me. It's always something!!!!

Just pure laziness!

No words needed!

Krewe work day!

Our krewe is building a new building to house our floats and today is a work day at the new building. Since I don't know a thing about bolting boards to steel and concrete or putting up plywood, I took them some Krispy Kremes and came home. After that "manwork" is done, there will be plenty of things I can do to get everything all moved from the old building and get the new building ready for the ribbon cutting in October. Time is short and, of course, the same few people keep showing up to work. Some don't show up til party time. Lots of stuff has to be done before the Mardi Gras season, but there are always those who just come to party...forget the work involved!!! Fortunately, we have a rule that you have to put in some hours of work or you will not be allowed to ride in the parades..

Holy Moly!

My brother, sister-in-law, and I spent the morning working in Mom and Dad's yard. Something is always needing to be done there. We got everything mowed and my brother got a water leak fixed in the yard. Dad's health is really bad. I am afraid (as is Mom) that he has had a little stroke. So often, his words are slurred and he is so weak that he can't do anything. I stayed and ate lunch with them and he couldn't say the blessing that he has been saying for 60 years...always the same one. I would not be surprised if he dropped dead any time. Actually, I hope that is how he goes because then he wouldn't have to endure a miserable illness. Mom sees him more than any of us and she said something is bad wrong with him.

Today has been the first day that I could mow my own yard because it has been raining so much. I finally got the front yard done, but  it was a major task. In fact, I had to stop and raise the deck on the mower because I could not push it through the thick grass. I'm just a wimp, I guess, but I am the only 66 year old in my neighborhood that mows my own yard with a push mower!! So there!!

Note to self!

WooHoo.....3 1/2 inches of rain!

Went down to the garden this morning to try to see what needed to be done in between the rains. Brother had already cut the okra this morning and most of it was too big to use because we had hadn't cut it since Saturday. With the rains, more will be ready tomorrow, but it is supposed to rain again tomorrow, so we may miss that cutting as well. I tried to pick peas, but kept bogging down and losing my balance, so I gave up. There are blooms all over the peas since the rains yesterday, so we still may get a lot of peas. Got very few tomatoes. They aren't putting on any new ones. I am loving all the rain, but I sure do get lazy and sleep a lot. And.....I spend way too much time playing Bejeweled Blitz on the computer. It drives me crazy! I don't even know why I put this frog graphic on here. I hate frogs!!!! And.....I must be ADD judging by the way this post is all over the place!!!!:)

Yet another rant!

Due to inclement weather today, I have spent a lot of time reading blogs and on Facebook. It amazes me how many people misuse "your" and "you're" and "their", "there", "they're" and "its" and "it's". I know the previous sentence is poor sentence structure, but I am just frustrated with people today. My last few years of teaching English, I made it a point to just harp on these words over and over. Obviously, I failed because a lot of the people I follow on Facebook are my former students. It just drives me crazy and a few of them are teachers now and making these elementary grammar mistakes. Actually, at least one is an English teacher and it takes every ounce of restraint I can muster to not correct the errors....especially on those who are now teaching!

No explanation needed!

Be afraid...be very afraid!

CRAP!

More aphids....not on any of the things they sprayed last week, but I just discovered them on my althea and some of my flowers in pots. The man sprayed everything but the althea. Don't know why he didn't spray it. I wondered why the leaves were not looking healthy and there are very few blooms. Now I know after inspecting it closely. It's always something!!!!

I need counseling!

I didn't know it, but Obama's health reform bill (which he hasn't read) will insist that since I am 66 and about to die, I need counseling to prepare me for the medical care that I am NOT going to get to save my life! What a CROCK! Our nation will not survive this MORON!

It's over!

The gardening is winding down. This morning I picked the last of the corn and tomatoes. Okra will keep making for a long time, but there will not be tomatoes to go with it. I may have to go back to the Farmers' Market Tuesday afternoon and score me some fresh tomatoes. I cut off enough corn to cook today and gave the rest to my sister-in-law. I hate to see it end because I enjoy it so much even though it is hard work. I will have a few more peas to pick and my brother has some sweet potatoes growing, but for the most part, it's over for this season. I will look forward to planting a fall garden which will include broccoli, cabbage, turnip greens, and carrots.

My view...

I was completely oblivious to the fact that my town was hosting a little tykes baseball world series this weekend. Imagine my surprise when a friend called and asked if I would drive her in a convertible in the parade. Well, yeah...I can do that. She is the krewe captain and our queen for last year came and rode and threw some beads. Many states were represented and the weather was 10 degrees cooler than yesterday. Still 90's, but bearable. Short 20 minute parade down the main streets and we were done. Cute kids!