I spent a good part of this day mulching the leaves at Mom's. Each year (if it wasn't too cold), Dad would sit outside in a chair and watch me do this. Every once in a while he would get up and go rake a few leaves from a fence line or from under a tree so I could run over them with the mower. Today his chair was there, but he wasn't. I guess some day I will stop blogging about this, but right now I just can't.
I couldn't stop crying yesterday. Everything made me think of my dad, especially lunch at my brother's house. It was so sad to have Dad's seat empty and it made me miss him so much. Not a day goes by that I don't shed a few tears. I guess emotions will be on the surface for a while. Today was better. I was at Mom's early and found out that her home health nurse had told her this morning that she needed the doctor to look at her foot. Looks like an infection has set in and she is a diabetic who has lots of trouble with her feet. She will see the doc tomorrow morning. I picked up some more pecans and then took 70 pounds to be cracked. Looks like lots of them were no good inside, but Mom will pick out the good ones.
Today, I went out with friends and it was a wonderfully, delicious diversion. Four of us visited the grand opening of a new apartment and retail center called The Villagio. It's all upscale and very nice. We then went to the Boardwalk in Bossier City and sat on the patio of Copeland's Cheesecake Bistro and drank margaritas and ate 4 different appetizers. It was great relaxation for me and a great way to focus on something new for a change. Didn't even get to Mom's today, but she was glad I was able to focus on something else and be with my friends. She is a saint and I love her so much. She told one of my friends that she had the two best children in the world. AWWWWW!
I commandeered my neighbor's yard crew and got them to do my yard just this once. Being totally committed to my dad for the last month got me way behind on things at my own home. The yard is something I do myself because I am kind of anal about it being perfect, but today I just needed help. My house is almost clean as well.
I got yet another beautiful bromeliad today with two blooms from a friend who just found out about my dad. It is beautiful and means so much to me. My garage is full of flowers that I have to find a place for, but never fear, I will. The debt on the new building at my dad's church is being reduced daily with memorial donations. They built the building for 1 million dollars and had a 300,000 down payment. Their debt is down to $50,000 in about 3 years. AMAZING!
We laid my dad to rest yesterday in a beautiful little cemetery down in the country with my mom's family. Since he helped start the volunteer fire department in his little town and my brother is currently the fire chief, a fire truck led the processional to the cemetery. As we passed the local post office, we saw that the American flag was flying at half mast in honor of my dad. That was a very moving sight. The service was absolutely perfect. I would not have changed one thing or one word that my high school friend and neighbor said about my dad or one thing his minister said. Both of them spoke so eloquently and I had made a CD over a year ago of Larry Gatlin singing,"In the Garden" which was played during the service. That song always makes me think of Dad.Dad had told me a few weeks ago what song he wanted sung at his funeral and who he wanted to sing it. It was exactly as he had requested. I have brought my dad's ambien home with me and tonight I am hoping for some deep sleep.
Daddy's gone. He went to his heavenly home last night at 12:30. I miss him dearly already, but I know he is in a place better than all of us. As I left his side last night and started to drive to my home, I started crying and I said out loud to no one....I have seen my daddy for the last time.
Mom, Brother and I made a decision to have an ambulance transport Dad back home to his own bed and call in hospice. We did that today and I feel confident we did the right thing. Hospice has already been there and supplied us with morphine and ativan drops to just put in his mouth to help him rest. He has had no food today and hasn't asked for any. The swallowing problem is still an issue, so we just put ice in his mouth when he wants water. The sitter is with him at home and Mom is sleeping, I hope. After a restless night last night, I am about to go to bed and hope for some sleep tonight. My heart hurts.
Dad was unable to swallow today and we are pretty sure he aspirated. He choked a lot, so he is getting zero nutrition. Nothing works to help him rest...even the knock out shot last night failed. Tonight he had morphine. I would not let Mom and brother leave me tonight until the sitter got there. Usually they go on home and I wait for the sitter to come at 8:30, but tonight I was afraid. They waited with me. My brother broke down and cried today in the room. I'm tired!!!!!
Dad still in hospital. I'm tired. Upside is I lost 8 pounds. Gotta find the positive somewhere!
We had an ambulance bring Dad to the hospital yesterday. I thought he had a small stroke because when we tried to get him walking back to his room after sitting up a long time, his right leg was just sort of flopping. After we got him back to bed, he wanted to pee every 5 minutes, but couldn't even get up enough to get to the potty chair. After his wetting the bed twice and constantly calling for Mom, who had already been up with him all night, I just called an ambulance. Mom can't deal with this any more. Don't know what the next step is...probably hospice and sitters. The sitter we had lined up for last night came and sat with him at the hospital and we all got to go to our respective homes and rest. She is coming again tonight to the hospital. What a blessing she is, but we have some big decisions to make. Every day I pray that this will be the day God takes him home. I guess I'm selfish and don't want to make the hard decisions. Going to try to rest a few minutes while my brother is at the hospital. I was there at 6:30 this morning and someone brought Mom at 10. She is still there.
I got to Mom's this morning while the lady who does Dad's bath and shaves him was there, but the home health nurse had already been there. Home health gave Mom an ultimatum...either we get a sitter or she would get one for us. She was serious, too! I called the lady who had already said she would do it and she came and met with Mom and me. She starts tomorrow night at 10 - 6 and I am so grateful. We know that she is honest because we know several others she has sat with including my aunt until she died. We are setting her up in their living room,which they never use anyway, and it is right next to Dad's room. My brother and I set up a TV and a recliner in there today and the baby monitor works great, so she can use that and not have to be in the room with him. I think Mom is relieved to have her Tuesday-Friday. There is another lady that I think we can get when we need someone for the other 3 nights. I told Dad today that the home health nurse said we must get Mom some help. He didn't say anything, so I think he probably didn't hear me. While the sitter was there making plans with us, the home health nurse who was there earlier called to see if we were getting help. I told her "thank you" for telling Mom that we must do this and that we were hiring someone at that moment.I think I might even sleep well tonight.
I am just mad now! My dad walked all the way back to my mom's room to tell her he didn't think our getting a sitter was the answer! He said he wouldn't have any privacy....hell, he doesn't have any privacy now, and she told him that.I asked her if he had an answer, but , of course, he has no clue what this is doing to her. He is only thinking of himself. What it tells me is that he hears a lot more than we think he does. We never talked to him about a sitter, but we have discussed it while he is in the room thinking he could not hear. His making a comment like that is going to make Mom even more reluctant to let us get a sitter a night. She is just exhausted and is just not able to do all the things she has to do for him. Yesterday he was all cross ways on his bed and made no effort to right himself and while she was trying to move him around, she fell. Had to call brother to come get her up. Today he fell again. We don't know what he is doing when he falls. Mom thinks he is trying to move the potty chair, which she has told him to leave alone. I don't know what to do. I bought a baby monitor today and have been trying it out here at my home. Works great, so I will set it up there tomorrow. I just pray that he doesn't kill my mom, too!
I should never be AWOL for 3 days because it makes my out of town friends think that my dad has died. Not true...I have just been lazy and there have been no changes. He doesn't get any better, but he doesn't get worse either. Today I took him out for his walk after he had a few bites of lunch and he did OK. My brother told me that Dad barely made it back last night when he went for his walk. Brother had to help him back in the house more than usual. On the plus side, he has not fallen since Tuesday night and that was before my brother went to bed. The baby monitor we borrowed so Mom could hear him at night has too much static in it so we can't use it. I guess I'll go buy one.
This afternoon I helped prepare finger foods for a wine and beer tasting fundraiser for our krewe tonight. All the fruit was bought at Sam's and we had the biggest seedless grapes I have ever seen. I must go tomorrow and get some. The venue is Orleans on Main in downtown Minden because the owner of the venue is also a krewe member. The tables were decorated by another member who also owns a business called The Butterfly Garden here in Minden. Each table has a different theme with things from her shop and each one is awesome. It will be a beautiful night. I just hope people show up. There was no RSVP so we didn't know how many to prepare for.
Today has been another one of my special be a slug days. Nothing got done but nap after nap after nap. I guess I am in full denial that I need to be at Mom and Dad's checking on them and taking care of them, but I haven't been and I haven't called. I'm sure my brother would have called me if he thought I needed to be there. It's been raining all day, so we couldn't take Dad out for his walks.
Finally, late this afternoon I fried some perch and took some to my aunt (Dad's sister), who is in an assisted living facility right down from my house.
The guy who does this is a graduate of the school in Texas where I taught and his mom is a friend of mine. He is mostly known as Shirley Q Liquor.
Not only is my dad dying, but he is killing my mom as well. I went down this morning to stay with him so she could go to the hairdresser. When I got there, she was lying down. She said Dad fell again last night and busted his head open. She doesn't even know why he was out of his room because he has a potty chair right beside his bed, but he fell in the hall headed back to his room and the walker was on top of him. Mom and my brother got him patched up, but my brother said it really needed stitches. Mom spent the rest of the night sitting up in a recliner in his room. She is soooooo not able to do that. When I got there, she canceled her appointment and went to lie down. I told her I would stay there and I wanted her to go sleep. She didn't stay down long, but I got some lunch for both of them, took him for his walk and made her go back to her bed to rest. Dad doesn't remember any of what happened last night. Tonight she took his walker out of his room. He can't go anywhere without it. She ALMOST consented to my getting a sitter at night when I asked her this morning...but not quite. I talked to my brother about it tonight and he wasn't sure how Dad would handle that. I told him that Dad didn't have a "say" in this decision. We have to save Mom! He has already complained about the lady we got to help with the housework. Mom told him to "get over it"...she needed help! Good for her!
My friend, who lives right behind me, lost her father tonight. He was 94, but, of course, it got the wheels turning in my own head. In the 3+ years I have known her, I can never remember her saying anything nice about her father. She mostly just complained.....I would never be that way! And....she called him by his first name! That just blew my mind. She did a lot for him because she was the only child living in this town until he was put in an assisted living facility in Shreveport near her sister.
I offered again to get a sitter at night for Dad, but Mom still says no.... even though he fell again last night and got a big place on his back where the skin was knocked off. I'm going to look around for a baby monitor that I can borrow to maybe help her out a little. She is a saint, but it is taking a toll on her. She is tired, but she cares for him like he is her child. I try to make sure she rests in the afternoon, but I can't control the company that comes calling on them.
Sometimes I just have to have a REAL coke. Tonight was one of those times. Tomorrow night our neighborhood is supposed to have our National Night Out party, but now that one of the planners has lost her father, I don't know what we will do. Rain is also in the forecast!
Neither Mom nor Dad came to lunch today at my brother's, but I am glad they didn't try. It was pouring and had been all night. I didn't go to see Dad yesterday while Mom went to the beauty shop because he told me I didn't have to come stay with him while she was gone. Well.....when she got back, he was lying in the floor calling for her. I guess I will go next week whether he wants me to or not!. We put a potty chair in his room so maybe he wouldn't fall while trying to go to the bathroom and Mom slept for 6 1/2 hours straight last night. Yesterday, she tried just sitting up in his room in a recliner, but he asked her every 10 minutes what time it was. She couldn't take that! I will go there in the morning and try to do some cleaning where the water heater is because we have a new one coming tomorrow. Dad told Mom on Thursday night that something will go wrong tomorrow and, yes, she got up and had no hot water. My brother got it lit back for now, but he said it was in such bad shape that he called immediately and ordered a new one.
Dad was up sitting at the table when I got there around 11:30. He was waiting for the corn flakes that I was bringing, but he couldn't eat them very well. Don't know why since Mom said he ate 3 bowls of rice krispies last night...not much difference there! My brother came and took Dad out for a walk and before Dad got to rest, his favorite niece came to see him. A few minutes later two other cousins came from Shreveport.....the Drs. Bundrick..father and son. At 2:30 he finally went to lie down. Before I got there this morning the aide had been there to shave and shower him, so he was tired. Both the doctors told him that he needed to move as much as he possibly could.
After I left there (having not eaten anything all day), I was starving and so I went to the Boomtown casino buffet. Ate two bites of potatoes and chicken and had to seek out a bathroom. Once again, my throat tightened and the food would not stay put. I am not understanding this at all. Sooo...here I go again feeling fine, but hungry!
Today was my day out with the ladies and I took full advantage of it trying not to think too much, so I didn't even see Dad today, but he had lots of company today and walked twice...so it was OK that I didn't go. Mom said he ate pretty good today, but he was up a lot last night going to the bathroom. I don't know how she can even know when he is doing that because his room is at the other end of the house from hers and it's a pretty big house. What that means to me is that she is not sleeping well. She even has one of those CPAP machines that she is supposed to use every night. Now I'm wondering if she is using it because I really don't think she could hear him with that on. I guess her motherly instincts have kicked in again and she hears him like she would a child. I am really more worried about her now because she is tired. I asked her if we could go ahead and get a sitter for the nights so she could rest, but she said not yet. She takes a nap in the afternoon, but she is 84 and not in good health herself.
After cooking that beautiful pot of vegetable soup on Monday, I have been unable to enjoy it because of yet another episode of throat tightening and not allowing any food to go down. It always last a couple of days and that's exactly what it did. Lost a few pounds, so it does have an "up" side. Today, I finally ate a bowl of that soup, but I had lost the urge for it already! I took some to my mom and she will enjoy it.
My dad loves the aide that comes to shave and shower him. He hugged all over her and just told me "bye"! He fell again last night and lost control of his bowels. My brother is thinking we need to try to find a sitter for him at night and I agree. It won't be easy, but that's what we need to do mostly for Mom and my brother. Mom always has to call my brother to come get him up. They need their rest as well! Every day he is weaker. My brother goes to walk with him every day and yesterday he said Dad almost couldn't get back to the house after just walking down the driveway. It's a fairly long driveway, but he has been able to do it ok until yesterday.
My neighbor called me when I got home today and told me a lady had parked in my driveway and walked all around my house...even opened the back gate and went in the backyard. Even looked in a window. My neighbor finally asked her if she could help her and the lady just wanted to ask me about my yard and my flowers. She did NOT even know me. My neighbor said it was kind of creepy because the lady's car did not match the neighborhood she said she lived in. I don't like strangers going in my back yard, especially when I am not there.
Cooler weather had me in a working outside mode today, so I have been busy all day in the yard. I dug up another plant in my front landscaping that just requires too much maintenance such as trimming every other month and growing too big anyway. It made me mad when it wouldn't let my caladiums come up straight. The thing had roots to China, but I got it up and went to get Dad's truck to haul it off. While I had the truck, I got a few other chores done as well. Now, I have to figure out what I want to plant in that hole in the landscaping.
The lady had been there and given Dad a bath and shaved him today. He told me that lady did him more good than anything. I am so grateful that a service like that exists. She will come 3 times a week. The home health nurse that sees Mom will also see Dad now. She said he is borderline dehydrated.
When I got home, a friend dropped by and we sat in the yard and discussed our dying parents. Her father is dying as well, but he is 93. When I finally came inside, I made vegetable soup and cornbread and now I can't keep any of it down. It's making me mad because it tastes so good. I haven't had an episode of not being able to keep anything down since August 24th, but I could tell when I was cooking that my throat was starting to feel tight like it does when I have one of those episodes. It's OK though. I need to lose some pounds!!!:)
I was selfish today and took a day just for myself...never went to see Dad and didn't call until tonight. When I finally talked to Mom, she was elated that they had such a good day. An aide came to shave and bathe dad and he didn't give her any grief. He was very nice and did exactly as she asked. Mom said the lady was very good and it turns out that she is the same lady who took care of my dad's sister until a change in insurance made her not be allowed to do it anymore. She shaved him, got him all clean, and Mom even got to take a much needed nap today. If I had been there, I would have given her a cash tip. I'm sure Mom didn't because it's a generation thing...she just doesn't know to do it. I think I can rest well tonight.
As of right now the fall of 2009 begins and I am so ready for it. Last night we had a cool front come through, so there was a little tinge of cool in the air this morning. To me, that is my signal to make chili, so that's exactly what I did when I got home from Dad's today. I am trying again to do the Shake Those Pounds so I won't be having any of this until I get back from two more functions that I must go to today. I had my shake a little while ago, so I am good until I can get back home to stay. Our hospital has added a new floor and has an open house today, which I plan to attend and a friend's mother died, so I must drop by the funeral home as well. After that, I am HOME!
I went today and stayed with Dad so Mom could go to lunch with some ladies from her church. She needs to get out away from him sometimes. I took him a hamburger and some vanilla wafers that he asked for yesterday and he ate half the burger and the cookies before going back to his bed. My brother did get him to go out and walk a little bit today, so that made me happy. I just don't want him to get to the point that he cannot get out of bed and go to the bathroom without help. He uses a walker and does OK with that. Home Health is working on getting someone to visit him and help him shave and get a shower.
After working all day in the yard, I cleaned up and went to see Dad. When I got there, Mom was asleep in her room and he had his eyes closed in his room...don't know if he was asleep. I finally went in again to see him after Mom got up and he just lay there and held my hand. My brother tried to get him to walk some this morning and he wouldn't. Dad told me that he would try to walk some tomorrow. We are afraid that if he doesn't walk, then he will get where he can't. My brother and I don't know what we would do then. We would have to try to find a sitter....which is no easy task. Every day gets a little worse. I'm still praying for the angels to come and get him before he gets to that stage.
Each year I enjoy watching the hummingbirds. In fact, it's the only bird feeder that I will have in my yard because all other birds make a mess. During the summer, I only had two hummers using my feeder, but now that it is time to tank up for their journey to South America there are birds everywhere. If it is possible to count them, I had six at one time today. They drained my feeder in one day. It was completely empty this morning. Thinking that it must have leaked out, I checked for a drip, but there was none.
This afternoon I took a short leisurely trip to Bossier City, home of Barksdale Air Force Base. All of a sudden right in front of me was the piggybacked shuttle coming in for a landing at Barksdale. I was so shocked that I could not get a picture due to my fumbling with the phone and trying to not run over someone. I missed it, but as I got to my destination in Bossier, Albertson's
G
rocery store, and parked in their lot, I saw it again. Apparently, it didn't land the first time and came around again. This time I did get a picture, but not a very good one, so the one here is not mine. I was thrilled to see it so close. I have seen it before much higher in the air and, of course, I have seen it at NASA, but never like this. Awesome sight!
I put off going to see Dad until late in the day. When I got there, he got up and came and sat in the kitchen with me. He looked better and did much better last night without taking that darvocet. He was able to sleep and get up by himself to go to the bathroom without falling. Mom slept as well. While I was there, a family friend of ours came and he shaved dad for him. Dad has been having trouble shaving and Mom has been trying to help him, but this guy did a great job getting Dad shaved. Dad said it was the best shave he ever had. After that, Dad went back to lie down and said he felt better with a clean shave. We have some great friends and I drove home without bursting into tears as soon as I drove away from them.
I brought one of Dad's ambiens home with me to try tonight and see if it helps me sleep. I hope so. It's been raining for days, I have a good book to read and Dad is better today....plus, I have a sleeping pill! It's all good!
Every day I dread going to see my dad and every day when I leave, I remember why. I start to cry as soon as I leave because he is just so pitiful. Last night he fell twice trying to go to the bathroom. Both times my mom had to call my brother to come get him up. We decided that tonight he will not take any darvocet. It makes him crazy and not be able to walk. Mom sat in a recliner the rest of the night in Dad's room because she did not want to have to wake my brother up yet again to go get him up. I took him some apple dumplings that I made and he ate one and told me it was good. Nothing is ever good to him anymore. He is wearing my mother out as well. She went to bed at 8 this morning and slept till 11:30. When I got there at 3, she was asleep again. This is killing her. It's killing all of us. I pray every day that God will take him.
Dad's rest meds are messing with him. He got up at midnight and tried to get dressed. He could not get his pants on and fell while trying to get dressed. He thought he heard Mom tell him to come to breakfast. Brother came and got him up, but Mom thinks he may have cracked a rib. Even if he did, not much can be done about it. She is just giving him darvocet to ease the pain. He came in the kitchen while I was there and ate some watermelon that I brought to him, so his pain wasn't too bad to do that. I think his ribs may just be bruised. I hope so. I need a margarita!
After a morning of church, then lunch at my brother's, I came home, put down the garage door and slept. The weather was perfect for doing this. I tried to watch some football, but just couldn't stay awake. I wanted to read a book, but just couldn't stay awake. Maybe tomorrow will be more productive, but if it isn't , that's OK, too! I don't even care about being productive right now.
A friend of mine is on the Board of Directors of the Louisiana March of Dimes and today there was a brunch fundraiser at El Dorado casino. He had already bought a table at the event, but he could not go because he had a ribbon cutting of his new business tonight, so 7 of us filled up his table for him and enjoyed the brunch. He wouldn't have enjoyed it anyway because it was mostly a women's event with a style show and girlie stuff.
Tonight I went to the ribbon cutting of his new business, which is an event center called Orleans on Main in Minden. He has renovated an old building on Main Street and it is absolutely beautiful and already booked through the end of the year. He had the opening catered and had live music for entertainment. Very classy...just like him.
The only time I had today to go see Dad was between these two events and usually at that time Mom is trying to rest, so I didn't go. First time in a month that I didn't see my dad, but when I called tonight, my brother was there and Dad had several visitors today. I'll go tomorrow.
The good news is that my brother just called me after they saw the radiation doctor. Doc said he could barely see any evidence of the tumor on the tomotherapy CT scan, so he thinks the radiation has helped. On the other hand, Dad is worn completely out because he had to wait 45 minutes before he got his treatment today, then another 45 minutes before seeing the doctor. He is just too weak to do that. They are on their way home. Mom went with them today, so I'm sure my brother is worn out as well.
This morning my friend from high school that loves my dad came over and filled the two raised beds that she brought last spring with compost, and then planted all sorts of fall vegetables including potatoes, carrots, Swiss chard, kale, collards, and all kinds of stuff that I don't even know what it is. Dad cannot see well enough to watch it grow, but I can and I will take care of it.
This is the song Dad was talking about. Of course, the waterworks started all over again.
I stopped by the barber shop on my way to get Dad and told the barber that I would be bringing Dad back to get all his hair cut off. When I got Dad back to the shop, there were two men ahead of him. They both told the barber to go ahead and get Dad first. I was so thankful that they did that. Dad is too weak to sit and wait. Everyone knows my dad, but Dad can't see them enough to know who they are.
He also told me who he wanted to sing at his funeral and what he wanted them to sing...a song that I am not familiar with called, "I Have Returned".
I am doing these posts, I guess, mostly for me since my mind won't focus on anything else. Computer games help, but I am still thinking all the time. Today, Dad is only able to walk with a cane or a walker. Thankfully, we already had both at home since Mom already uses a cane and a walker and we have left over ones from other family members who have gone on to their heavenly home. He can barely talk. I am going tomorrow to take him to the barber to get his hair all cut off since it is falling out everywhere. Then my brother is taking him for his treatment tomorrow afternoon. We have already decided that brother will use one of the wheel chairs located at the front door of the cancer center to get him on back to the radiation department. I almost wish they just wouldn't do any more radiation on him. It's just killing him. His head is all burned.
Once again I couldn't take it today to see him so pitiful. I just walked all over the property and cried. I didn't want him to know I was crying, but he can't see me anyway. His vision is even more gone. I saw his little stool out in his berry patch where he sat to do the last little work that he was able to do. I wanted to move it, but I couldn't. I wonder how long it takes for all the tears to be used up. Where do they keep coming from?
We dug a few of my brothers sweet potatoes today. Only one of the four varieties he planted was ready. The others are still small. These are a white potato and we have no idea how they taste. They have to cure for awhile before we can even try them.
I am back from my own personal pity party. It was so sad seeing Dad today that I just got in my car and drove, and cried, and prayed that God would take him...and drove and cried and prayed some more. Then I went and ate sushi so I am Ok now.
Last night Mom fell again while in the bathroom. She pressed the button around her neck, but had trouble communicating with them. They had an ambulance on the way before she made them understand that she didn't need an ambulance, but she needed my brother to come get her up. Stewart thought her arm was broken, so he called our friend, who is a physical therapist. He came to see about her, but he didn't think it was broken. They iced it and got her to bed. Today, she thinks her finger is broken. Some time later, my dad tried to get off the couch and he could not. Mom was finally able to get Stewart back over there to help get Dad to bed. Today Dad is just so much worse. He just cannot walk.
After lunch at my brother's, I went to Mom's and cleaned her kitchen while she took a nap. I just cannot stand to watch my daddy die!!!!
Since our favorite catfish place that had closed permanently is now back open with the same owners, Dad actually went with us to eat there tonight. He has a girlfriend that is a waitress there. I think that's the only reason he went, but it was nice. I still had to hold his hand and guide him in the restaurant, but he actually ate pretty well. His speech has improved dramatically, so he is talking normal now.
This morning I spent a long time in my yard trying to get rid of some shrubs that I don't like. I don't know the name of them, but I see them everywhere at every house. They have maroon colored leaves, but they grow too fast. I have to trim them all the time and it is just a pain. I cut them down, then dug them up. Dang roots went to China! I'm thinking hydrangeas will fill in the void.
