Praying for the angels to come...

I am doing these posts, I guess, mostly for me since my mind won't focus on anything else. Computer games help, but I am still thinking all the time. Today, Dad is only able to walk with a cane or a walker. Thankfully, we already had both at home since Mom already uses a cane and a walker and we have left over ones from other family members who have gone on to their heavenly home. He can barely talk. I am going tomorrow to take him to the barber to get his hair all cut off since it is falling out everywhere. Then my brother is taking him for his treatment tomorrow afternoon. We have already decided that brother will use one of the wheel chairs located at the front door of the cancer center to get him on back to the radiation department. I almost wish they just wouldn't do any more radiation on him. It's just killing him. His head is all burned.

Once again I couldn't take it today to see him so pitiful. I just walked all over the property and cried. I didn't want him to know I was crying, but he can't see me anyway. His vision is even more gone. I saw his little stool out in his berry patch where he sat to do the last little work that he was able to do. I wanted to move it, but I couldn't. I wonder how long it takes for all the tears to be used up. Where do they keep coming from?

We dug a few of my  brothers sweet potatoes today. Only one of the four varieties he planted was ready. The others are still small. These are a white potato and we have no idea how they taste. They have to cure for awhile before we can even try them.

Pity party!

I am back from my own personal pity party. It was so sad seeing Dad today that I just got in my car and drove, and cried, and prayed that God would take him...and drove and cried and prayed some more. Then I went and ate sushi so I am Ok now.

Last night Mom fell again while in the bathroom. She pressed the button around her neck, but had trouble communicating with them. They had an ambulance on the way before she made them understand that she didn't need an ambulance, but she needed my brother to come get her up. Stewart thought her arm was broken, so he called our friend, who is a physical therapist. He came to see about her, but he didn't think it was broken. They iced it and got her to bed. Today, she thinks her finger is broken. Some time later, my dad tried to get off the couch and he could not. Mom was finally able to get Stewart back over there to help get Dad to bed. Today Dad is just so much worse. He just cannot walk.

After lunch at my brother's, I went to Mom's and cleaned her kitchen while she took a nap. I just cannot stand to watch my daddy die!!!!

Fix this, Mr. Obama!

WooHoo!

Since our favorite catfish place that had closed permanently is now back open with the same owners, Dad actually went with us to eat there tonight. He has a girlfriend that is a waitress there. I think that's the only reason he went, but it was nice. I still had to hold his hand and guide him in the restaurant, but he actually ate pretty well. His speech has improved dramatically, so he is talking normal now.

This morning I spent a long time in my yard trying to get rid of some shrubs that I don't like. I don't know the name of them, but I see them everywhere at every house. They have maroon colored leaves, but they grow too fast. I have to trim them all the time and it is just a pain. I cut them down, then dug them up. Dang roots went to China! I'm thinking hydrangeas will fill in the void.

All incumbents.....OUT!

Easy day....FINALLY!

My friend who was going to bring the compost this morning couldn't bring it due to pouring down rain at her house on Caddo Lake. She called me at 8 A.M. and told me that, so I promptly turned over and went back to sleep. It was nice not to have to be somewhere. After hanging out at home, I went to lunch with my Thursday lunch group, then bought Mom's groceries, took them to her, cleaned her kitchen, and went to yoga class. I promptly dropped out of the yoga class because the guy who was "teaching" the class didn't have a clue. I guess he knew some yoga poses, but he surely didn't know how to make the class enjoyable. I got my check back and said, "Adios, this class is not for me". I was tense after I got home. That's not what yoga is supposed to do.

Much needed break!

I am starting to really hate the Willis Knighton Cancer Center and I don't know why. They have been nothing but very professional and nice, but it is so full of really sick people. It's depressing to me, but the sick people are always the ones smiling. Dad finished his regular radiation today and gets a break until Tuesday when they will do 3 days of tomotherapy. Of course, I have been all over that term in Google trying to learn all I can about it.

Tomorrow, a friend of mine from high school is bringing a truck load of compost and lots of seeds and is going to plant a fall garden in two 4 X 8 raised beds which she brought to Dad in the spring. She loves my dad and wants him to be able to watch a garden grow. She doesn't know how really weak he is and that he is unable to even watch it grow right now. He can't see it anyway. Oh, well, I will watch it grow and I will eat the carrots, potatoes and whatever else she plants.

Panic time!

I am so spoiled to online banking and bill paying that I go into panic mode when I think I might actually have to write checks to pay my bills. For the last two days, that function of my bank site has been out of order. I was already trying to figure a way to pay bills without having to actually write checks and put them in envelopes with a stamp. Yep, I'm a bit nerdy, I guess! OR LAZY!

Day 10 of radiation!

Brother is taking Dad for maybe his last treatment today. They will see the doctor and find out if he is going to do the 3 additional treatments that he told me last week they would do. When he sees how weak Dad is, he may not want to do any more. Yesterday, when I took him, he could not sit up in the car. He had to lie down in the back seat going over there and coming home.

My cousin from Virginia is here now. Her mother is Dad's only sibling left and she is 93. My cousin took her to see Dad yesterday. Last night I went out to dinner with my cousin at Superior's Steak House....without a doubt, the best steak in the area. It was good to get away and think about something else and have a couple of glasses of shirazz!!

Difficult day!

I took Dad for his treatment today and we also had an appointment with the oncologist, so Mom went with us. When I got to Mom's, he came from his room to go and he had wet the front of his clothes and down his leg and didn't even know it. He had to go change clothes before we could go. I put pillows on the back seat and he got back there and lay down all the way to Shreveport. He was unable to walk without my holding his hand and leading him everywhere. It's just so, so sad. The weakness is so very evident. I take him again tomorrow and my brother will take him for his last treatment on Wednesday. Then we will find out if the radiation doc is going to do the 3 additional treatments or not. On the plus side (which I must always find) he is talking much better....well, except when he has to take his "stereo" pill.....that would be the same as a steroid!!! AND.....we got someone to come clean Mom's house and she will be there every Monday. She was there today!!! WooHoo!

For the locals...

Yesterday, I went to the new Avocado California Roll Sushi restaurant in Bossier over in the Target shopping center. I had some smoked salmon sushi and lettuce wraps and both were excellent. Just looked it up and they have a website, but the Bossier location isn't listed yet. Most of them are in the Dallas area. I was there at lunch and they were not crowded, but had a reasonable business.

I'm tired!

Bulleted day!

• Mom's groceries bought
• Held daddy's hand for today
• My laundry all finished
• Yard work all finished
• Yard all watered
• House vacuumed
• Flowers deadheaded
• Answered all the "Dad inquiries" at the grocery store. Even the check out lady at Wal-Mart looked at me and said, "Your dad is sick, isn't he?" I don't know her!!!
  
• Sick of hearing  "brain cancer" on every media outlet. I always think of Dad, not Ted Kennedy, when they say he died of brain cancer.
• Time for a bubble bath
  

Called to action!

Today was supposed to be my day to stay home and take care of my business at home, but that didn't happen. My brother called at 12:45 and was taking Dad for his treatment in Shreveport. They were in Dad's truck, but it started running hot, so he pulled off the side of the interstate and called me to come get Dad and take him on to his 1:30 appointment for radiation. I got in gear and got Dad to his appointment right on time, but, of course, he still had to wait a few minutes before they came to get him. Because of the various states of undress and hospital gowns, I am not allowed to stay in the men's waiting room with him. I have to wait on the ladies' side. I have to watch for him when he gets through because he would have no clue where he was. We got that taken care of while my brother called a tow truck to haul the truck back home. We both got back to Dad's at the same time. Brother is going to take Dad the rest of this week. What will I do with myself? Oh..I know. Tomorrow I have a list of groceries that I have to get for Mom, and a dental appointment on Thursday....and stuff that I didn't get done today.

My turn..

Today was my first time to take Dad for his radiation treatment. My brother took him all last week. It only took 10 minutes, but we have to see the doctor on Mondays. The doc said it was too soon to tell if radiation was helping, but by the end of this week we should be able to tell a difference in his speech...assuming the radiation is shrinking the tumor. I did ask the doc if he found any other activity in his brain and he said he did not. He originally told us that there is usually more than the one tumor which showed up on the CT scan. Brother is taking him tomorrow.

I'm having yet another day of not being able to keep anything down that I eat. This is happening very frequently. I never feel bad, but there is a tightness in my throat that refuses to let any food stay down. It's my own little mystery!

Holy crap!

I play this game a lot to keep my mind busy, so I don't have to think about my dad. Look at this! I am #2. This has never happened before and probably will never happen again!

Holy Moly!

I know my neighbor was being helpful, but I had to do it all over today. His mower left yard clippings covering my yard and the whole yard was brown. I have never seen grass clippings like that. I waited until he and his wife left this afternoon for their Bible study class and I got out there and put the attachment on my mower that catches the clippings and redid it all. Now I have the sprinklers going to get it all green again. I have 3 huge bags of grass clippings that my mower vacuumed up from my yard. I'm not complaining because I know he meant well!!

CRAZY!

Since my brother took Dad again yesterday for his treatment, I took Mom's car and got it washed, oil changed, inspected, etc. Dad has to see me every day, so I was there this morning to stay with him while Mom went to get her hair done in her shiny clean car. After I got them all taken care of this morning, it was time to take care of my own car. Took it to be washed, but didn't get back in time to get the oil changed. I have to keep busy or I just get crazy thinking too much and wondering how bad it will get before it kills Dad. I just don't want him to suffer. Not one tear today!!!WooHoo!

Nice people ROCK!

After a much needed nap tonight, I went outside and found my yard mowed, edged and blown off. I was going to do it tomorrow since the weather is supposed to be cooler. Turns out my neighbors have already lost their parents to cancer and they know the pain I am in facing with this. Not only did they mow my yard, but they brought me dinner as well. I am not worthy!!  BUT...I am grateful! My neighbors carry me when I am down!

Cancer sucks!

My brother has taken over Daddy duties yesterday, today and tomorrow. I was going to take him today, but my brother called last night and told me he wanted me to go meet my regular Thursday lunch group for lunch, so I did. It was nice to be able to think about something else for a few minutes. Since Saturday I have had a popping in my jaw when I chew. It is driving me crazy. My buds told me today that it is from clenching my teeth at night while sleeping. Didn't know I did that and I probably didn't until this week. They said the stress causes it. I see my dentist soon, so I hope he can get me some relief. It doesn't hurt, but it is annoying.

Today some of our friends went to Mom and Dad's with their huge lawn mower and mowed everything there. Wow! What a relief to not have to worry about that. He said he will continue to do it as long as we need it.